Gordon and Sapphire: The Unreviewables
Gordon and Sapphire: The Unreviewables is a fan made episode written by Disneydude15, Rigsrigsrigs10918, Kosh Naranek and Cartoonlover. Premise Gordon and Sapphire are called to review movies they originally said they would not review. Plot Part One (Gordon and Sapphire are preparing to review The Puppet Adventure.) Sapphire: Ready? Gordon: Yep. (Cooler enters with a letter.) Cooler: Letter for you two. (Gordon grabs the letter.) Gordon: Thanks. Cooler: Anytime. I'm looking forward to your show today. (Cooler leaves.) Gordon: Hey, Sapphy, listen to this. Our fans want us to review all the films we said we wouldn't review we mentioned at the Review Olympics. They also want us to look the movies mentioned by Wayne's team. Sapphire: Well, since we were going to review The Puppet Adventure, why not? Gordon: Yeah. I'll get the projector. Sapphire: I'll get the movies. (Later, Gordon and Sapphire are on stage with the projector.) Gordon: Welcome, everyone. I'm Gordon Kirby.... Sapphire: And I'm Sapphire Trueblood. As you may recall, we won the Review Olympics a few weeks ago. Now, one of the topics was the top 5 films that we would not review. But as a result of fan mail, today we're bringing you those reviews along with the top five movies that our opposing team, Team Wolfard would not review. Audience: Why? Sapphire: I said fan mail. Audience: Oh. Gordon: So, let's get started. First, we have The Beyond. To start, I have to say that I like this movie. Sapphire: This is an interesting movie. It's basically an adventure film. But we don't mind as long as it's done well. And this movie is done very well. Gordon: This movie stars Hairyson Ford as the main protagonist. And he is one of the things that's wrong with the film. While I can't say his performance is terrible, he is straight-up boring. Sapphire: On top of that, the editing is awful. Cooler: A few seconds ago, you guys said it was well-done. Gordon: It is. We didn't say it was done PERFECT. Cooler: Oh. Never mind. Carry on. Gordon: This is the kind of film where you can tell they're trying. Kind of like Jasper. But while that film didn't quite pan out, this film pans out. But in SOME areas. Sapphire: But I think the biggest problem is the pace. This film moves way too slow. Right away, you just the movie to get on to the point. Gordon: OK, so with the bad stuff out of the way, let's talk about the good stuff. Because there's a lot. Sapphire: The only actor that can save the movie is Tom Shanks. While he's more of a side character, he still does good. But, how good are the special effects? Gordon: Pretty darn impressive, I must say. Sapphire: It even leaves room for some comedy. Gordon: And now, here is another movie you'll like: Down Under in the Land Down Under featuring Kevin Barkin, Christopher Barken, Neil Patrick Hairy and Eliza Hood. Sapphire: One downside is the bad jokes. The other is...well, watch. (Sapphire plays a clip of the Kevin Barkin character talking. Gordon and Sapphire start sputtering with laughter.) Sapphire(laughing): That accent is pathetic! Gordon: Yeah! How can you take him seriously with that goofy accent? I could make fun of that forever. (the two stop laughing.) Gordon: OK, now for the good stuff. First thing, it's a gorgeous film. Look at that scenery. Sapphire: I've never been to Australia, but this film really makes me want to. Gordon: The other saving grace is the villains. Christopher Barken, Neil Patrick Hairy and Eliza Hood are downright hilarious! Every scene with them makes me laugh and makes me laugh hard. Gordon: Now, this next film is a real stinker. Sapphire: Commander Universe: the Movie. Gordon: As we stated before, Commander Universe is one of the stupidest TV shows ever seen. I mean, I sort of respect it for it's environmental messages, but do they have to shove them down our throats? On top of that, the characters are annoying, the story is repetitive, the animation is sloppy and everything is way too overblown. This is the show that will make you HATE the environment altogether. Sapphire: But we can't be too harsh on the film because it has some good stuff. Like the animation. Gordon: Yeah. The animation is WAY better in this film. Sapphire: On top of that, the main team on the show has a new member and, to the film's credit, this new character is a lot of fun. He was clever, funny and very likable. (Lowly) Unlike the rest of the team. Gordon: So, yeah. The film is bad, but we give credit for the improved animation and the good new character. Everyone ready for the next film? Audience: Yeah. Sapphire: Okay. Next is Jason and Mason, starring Dog Walker himself along with his brother Ruff Walker. Gordon: Who would have known that this film would star the co-star of the Walker and Ruff Show? Anyway, this is a great comedy film. Sapphire: The likely reason is because the Walker brothers stole the show. And the slapstick is great. Gordon: It's like Stupid and Stupider but with some intelligence and Biosphere but with real humor. Sapphire: Next film is Young Detective Gizmo.... after we take a break. Part Two Gordon: And now, we have Young Detective Gizmo, starring the infamous Silas Shawshank. Sapphire: And we can safely say we were pretty impressed by this film. Gamma: Now, wait a... Cooler: Gamma, you are going to sit through this or you'll have to leave the Pound! (Gamma grouchily sits down and crosses his arms.) Gordon: Besides, I have to say, Shawshank has a good character, but most of the time, he just stands around with his arms folded and observes. On top of that, he barely says anything. He only has six lines. But he doesn't SAY them. He whispers every line. Watch and listen. (Gordon plays the scenes with Shawshank whispering his lines with a low, soft voice.) Sapphire: Ooh. That voices chills me. Gordon: And I will give him credit because his performance is actually pretty good. You know, it's funny. After Alvin Alvin and Ned, he was on an upward spiral. First, he was in The Quest of Remix the Tiger, which was a really good movie, and now this. Usually, actors have a downward spiral after a few movies. That doesn't make him good, but I'll keep my eye on him. Sapphire: Overall, the film is nice. It's certainly a lot better than the other movie. If you're wondering why it wasn't on our Top 5 Redeeming Movies list, it's because this came out before the movie with Mutthew Barkderick and Rupert Dog Niro. Gamma: Are you done yet? Cooler: Gamma, drop your hate. Gamma: Hold on, Cooler. Didn't you hate Silas Shawshank as well? Cooler: No. I may not like some of his material, but I don't hate him. Now, let it go or you're out of here. Gamma: (Yelling) ALL RIGHT! I'LL LET IT GO! YA HAPPY?! Cooler: Speak to me like that again and you are through. (Gordon, Sapphire and the rest of the audience except Holly look on in awkward silence. Gamma then notices it and sits down.) Gamma: (Lowly) I'll say no more. Gordon: Okay.... Moving on. Sapphire: Now, here is another treat. Birds Don't Sing. Like we said before, we're impressed by the animation. Gordon: The only real problem is the main character. Sapphire: He looks and acts kinda bland and generic. Paul Ruff's acting isn't bad, though. Gordon: True, but the character is just not memorable. The villain however, is a lot of fun. I also love how he makes up these weird insults. Watch. (Gordon plays scenes with the villain calling his foes weird names.) Gordon: Oh, shut up, you little popfargle. (The audience laughs.) Gordon: See, I can make up words, too. Sapphire: Yeah. What's next? Gordon: The Love Doves movies. Sapphire: What can we say about these movies? Category:Fan Fiction Category:What If's Category:Fan made episodes starring Gordon Category:Fan made episodes starring Sapphire Category:Fan made episodes without an antagonist Category:Fan made episodes